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2006-03-04 - 3:53 p.m.

what the fuck can i write? i've moved house...blah...i have exams and assignments..blah...zoe buggered off for 2 weeks and she won't catch up. BLAH FREAKIN BLAH. you know want i want to talk about don't yah diary. you can sense it coming. why try and avoid the subject judging i'm bound to mention it sometime.
she's still at it. her goal weight was 44 now its like 32. i told her that when she reached 44 that it wouldn't bring her happiness and the she would lower it. she wouldn't believe me. she said as soon as school was back and she had reached this marvellous weight she would go back to eating normally. now she says she realised that 44 wasn't really that small a number. she wants risks. 32..she knows that its serious. by the time she gets there she'll either be dead or committed. i tried to talk to mellow but i didn't get a chance. not enough time. she'd hate me for it anyway. tried to talk to counciller on computer. computer fucked me over. so i'm stuck. i want to tell someone and give the problem over to someone else so they can let it play on their goddamn minds all the time. 'you're overreacting. its none of your business' best friends. means i care about you when your screwing the rest of your life up. even if i sound mean its coz i don't want you to hurt yourself anymore. attempt to change subject. maybe.
rory came back. did i already tell you that? he wasn't going to but then he did. haven't seen him yet. i crave something to numb my mind. nothing around.
emailed collin. no answer. he was the only fucking person she went out with that actually helped her and didn't screw her up even more. nick was just a cunt and messed with her mind, didn't stick by her when she needed it. jay encouraged everything. the hm guy was alright but didn't care about her. and kate....kate..taught her how to play the game better and then pulled out. taught her how to throw up properly and helped her set goals. actually i speak wrong words. collin did screw her up..when he left. but she knew it was going to happen so i suppose it wasn't his fault.
anyways diary i've had enough for the day. i want air-con. i want tobacco.

ha you wanna know one more thing...i would give up everything if my friend could just get away from her disorder.

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