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2005-06-16 - 7:36 p.m.

let me see

i'm still breathing.
i was so close but i couldn't do it. frog did turn up at skool. my day did go well. and the people on that stupid bus did decide to ruin everything for me. i hate it. i dread it. such a dumb thing to dread but i do.

and now i'm hurting so bad i think i will explode but no one can see and they can't tell and they won't help me. why won't they help me.

i went there 4 goddamn times. you're meant to be psychologists. you're meant to know. you think i would realli attempt suicide over something so small. aren't you meant to find out. they never bothered to check. and they thought i was normal. but its all an act and no one seems to be able to get through it.

i want it so bad. i yearn for it. yet i know that it is something that will not come to people like me. people lost in the dark. people who aren't anything.

let me go.

let me escape.
i want to escape.
let me escape.

i read something that said fantasies should never come true because then you would have nothing to fantasise about. but then what if you want something so bad that should happen but you know it won't.....should it not happen then. i mean some people fantasise about pointless things yet i am all about normality. being someone i know i could never be and i know if i became that person i would regret it but i want it. does that make any sense at all?

i'm sick of striving for things that really mean nothing to me at all. i don't have any goals.

the praying mantis was renowned for fighting. so when it saw the cart coming it stood up to fight. but the cart just ran over it and nobody looked back. thats me. i'm fighting for something and nothing will come from it.


Have we all forgotten the meaning of the word Acceptance ?

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