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2009-12-14 - 3:13 p.m.

fuck boredom is everywhere. i am sure boredom would dissipate if something creative was thought of but boredom takes away creative motivation.

i want to talk to aimee but she is impossible to contact. then i randomly get angry at her so put off contact just in case my frustration is obvious and then i want to talk to her again.

its almost christmas again. the most dreaded time of the year where i get to not fit in with the rest of my family for a few hours. answer a few polite questions about uni. have the grandmother tell me i look like i've lost weight again and having to restrain myself from telling her she's completely deluded. avoid the food. avoid the cousins. want to read but feel too rude so just sit there occasionally disappearing to have a cigarette. come back and get told how evil smoking is. always the same. not that i hate them or anything. and i do like seeing them. i just don't do joyous conversational christmas spirit type things.

i feel depressed today. i feel like calling someone but i can't think of who. i find it hard to talk to zoe. five minutes of conversation and then there is nothing left to say. i don't understand what has changed. we've never had anything to talk about but we always managed to ramble shit. maybe its because i'm always tired and she has two kids so she's even more always tired. and neither of us are great people when we are tired. maybe it will change or maybe its another one of those things where you start slowly growing apart because your lives and responsibilites are so different. i don't know.

i hate anne rice's religious overtones.

i miss communication.

i've run out. adieu.

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