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2008-12-10 - 10:15 a.m.

have been talking about murderous things. has cheered me up greatly.

watched a documentary on jonestown last night. god that shit was fucked up. how can people be that brainwashed. i wonder if aimee is brainwashed. would she drink poison for nick?

my dreams are all about death and pain and murder so i don't want to sleep anymore. i think its strange that i can be scared of my own mind and my own subconscious.

zoe isn't coming back for another week. it depresses me. coz i know we will hang out and i will be happy and then she will go back to sydney and i will be even more miserable. i still want to see her though. and i want to see elmasri.

i wonder if i will ever grow up. do i want to grow up?

there's an angel on the christmas tree in front of me. it makes me feel religious. it makes me feel sick but it looks kinda peaceful so i'm leaving it be.

i was looking at old photo's. they are almost scary because i see a completely different person but i don't feel like i have changed at all.

i think i only want to go to university because i want to have something to do. is that wrong though? is it just a waste of money? because i see no real want to study anthropology. it interests me but i don't really care about getting a job in the field. then again, i don't really care about getting a job at all. maybe its because my comfort zone is too limited and the outside world is all full of people and expectations. i will still go to uni. my life is at a dead stop at the moment. i need something to at least get it moving. i know i can't quit because then people will glare at me more then they already do. so i will be stuck for three years. unless i run away. off to some place where no one knows where i am and start a new life. i would dearly love to do that sometimes but i have no courage. and i feel guilty. and other such excuses.

i believe that heat should be banned.

Ban the Sun! Viva la revolution!

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