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2005-01-01 - 11:48 p.m.

i want to cut cut cut cut cut till i'm covered in blood from head to toe. I want to rip my hair out, pull out my fingernailz, break my bonez. I want to hurt on the outside not on the inside.

How can thingz that weren't even that important still stay in my mind and affect my everyday life. How can they alwayz be there.

I don't say why me. i know why itz me. Coz i'm the typical naive person who doesn't know anything and letz teeny tiny eventz fuck up her whole life and letz insignificant wordz stay in her head.

The people that hate me are lucky because at least i can't mess up their livez. At least I can't hurt them. I do that with everyone. All my friendz, my family. I make thingz worse for them. And itz true. I'm not just saying it to feel sorri for myself. I've looked over it a million times and all i do is hurt ppl.
heres proof.

frog: i alwayz make her feel bad and alwayz freak her out with my suicidal shit.
izz: i stress her out with the cutting and death thing.
aimee: i tried to kill myself, few weekz later she tried the same thing, the same way. Maybe she wouldn't have if i hadn't.
scott: managing to hurt him a lot. i hate that.
family: stress them out, make them cry.
evry1 else: alwayz manage to freak them out.

I don't know what to do. I can't keep doing this. I can't. It has to end

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