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2005-07-01 - 1:02 a.m.

i am sick of every single damn person being better than me. or having been through more shit than me. i hate it hate it hate it.

i am getting better at disguising everything now. coz i been hurting so bad for like a month. and it never stops. but i been acting happy. and telling lie. and pretending that i'm alright. and right now i feel like screaming and yelling and punching walls but i am smiling and being polite and crazy.

and the world always has its eyes on me. always staring. leave me the fuck alone. but then they don't care. they're watching but they don't care. that doesn't make sense. why would you watch someone if you don't care. i'm confused. am i even making sense here.

and who cares because i'm normal anyways right. like i'm not normal like them am i but i'm not like the others either. i'm in the middle. what the hell am i meant to say. i care about you but i fuckin hate you. and i have to be your friend. but this is not what i was talking about. i have changed the subject. i was saying i am in the middle. i am the nobody. i am not right in both ways. i'm what nobody wants. the person always watching the world from the outside. the innocent bystander who is covered in the blood of society. i watch everything that happens but i take no part in it all. i am my own person. in my own world. and nothing like what anyone wants me to be. what the fuck is wrong with. izzy and aimee and frog they are all a part of the world. they go around with it making their marks and impressing their identities on everyone around them. but i am on the outside and no one will remember my name when i am gone. and do i care? yes i do. but who cares that i care. get what i mean. thats how alone i am. i have friends and i still feel that they are accusing me of not being like them. and i think i will shutup now. why? because the world doesn't care and will not listen and the only person this entry means anything to is me. little pathetic me. and thats the one thing i don't give a thought about. coz my thoughts are my own and people were trying to steal them. now they just pretend i don't exist because i don't make myself seen or heard.

so the world can keep spinning and i'll just keep watching it.

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