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2005-02-13 - 9:55 p.m.

another one down

my grandfather has cancer and will be dead before christmas. thatz sad but you just can't go on living forever.

frog doesn't give a shit though. i told her and she didn't even care. bitch. and her dadz fuckin pissed off at me for no reason. he woz asking me all the questionz and i woz freaking out and couldn't think what to say even though i knew the answerz. And apparently he got real mad afterwards.

my life is going down the drain and no one is noticing. itz like last time all over again. i'm fading. i can't feel this and still be expected to act my 'normal' self and do well at skool and all that shit. i can't keep up. i'm falling behind. i'm so tired. i want to fall asleep and never wake up. this car nearly hit me on the way to school on friday and i found myself wishing it hadn't missed. what the hell is wrong with me? i'm trying but i'm getting nowhere. let me be normal for fuck's sake. I DON'T WANNA BE A FREAK ANYMORE. i don't want to be me. sometimez i imagine i'm another person who lives their life happily, has their normal friendz and every now and then seez that weird girl called ambre walking by and has a good laugh.

i have to cover everything up. i have to crush those emotions. they can't be seen. people can't know that i feel thingz. they can't. i'm heartless. i am. i want to be. i need to be.

Not all angels have clean wings.

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