2004-12-28 - 11:28 p.m.
Hello my deep dark pit of depression. Welcome back. I knew u couldn't stay away for long. U just luv me too much. Can't you just fuck off and leave me alone. I think u didn't haunt me for a while but i can't realli remember anything except i want to die and they are the onli wordz that run thru my head. oh wait...therez kill me and i'm a useless bitch.
1 cut, 2 cut, 3 cut, 4. There is alwayz room for more.
Bleeding. Bleeding. Breaking Promises again. Will u let me die now.
And as they watch she screamz for mercy but they ignore her every word and continue making her suffer.
Do u think i'm going crazy. That being alone all the time is twisting my mind. Maybe I will forget who I am and live as someone else in my mind while everyone on the outside watches me as some psycho in a mental ward who cries at times and laughs uncontrollably at otherz. i'm not even fuckin making sense now.
And yet, even tho i'm so fucked up, i refuse to get drunk and disappear into that fogginess coz i'm to fuckin sensible. And I HATE THAT.
Ask me what I'm so sad about and i won't be able to tell u. I can't explain but I know why.
When I go back to skool, they are gonna be scared of me. I swear if i hear one word from their mouthz i will grab them by the fuckin throat and make them scream 4 me.
Be normal Ambre. U r the nice angelic person. Keep smiling. Ignore them. They are nothing. Their wordz don't get in ur head and repeat themselves over and over again. They don't haunt you. They don't. Bullshit. they do. Can u kill someone with wordz.
itz all gonna happen all over again. I'll get worse and worse and no1 will know. Then i'll make sum pathetic attempt at suicide becoz i'm too weak to actually make sure i die and i'll feel normal again for a month or 2 and then the feelingz will come back. And I'll die all over again.
I'm Repeatedly Dying.