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2008-11-13 - 1:57 p.m.

so how do you define friendship?

i'm confused. like i know that when u get older and have those separate lives you can't hang out all the time or things like that.

my definition includes being able to talk to your friends bout how your feeling or how your life is. but if you can't do that does that mean they're not your friends or just that your friendship is redefined.

right now i dont know whether zoe or aimee are my friends.

like zoe moved away and for friendship that really isnt an issue coz we can still talk. but i can't tell her how pissed i am that she left and wont tell me why coz then i'll cause a fight. so i just have to pretend everything is ok. and i dont know anymore. like i think she is still my friend. we're not hating on each other. fucking hell my brain is confused.

and with aimee i can't speak to her coz of nick and i get this sense that she's pissed off with me. and yet again i can't realli talk to her bout what i'm thinking coz that will piss her off and put her in a bad position. she said at one point if i was her friend before she knew nick it would be a totally different situation. that confused me more. like i have never asked her to choose between me and nick. apart from the fact i would lose out that would be wrong and irrational. i just want her to acknowledge that he doesn't have the right to tell her who she can be friends with and who she can't. which she kinda does but doesn't want to cause problems. i don't want to push her into doing anything because i don't want to lose one of my best friends forever. and now i am even more confused. do i wait to see if nick and aimee break up? is that the only way we can be friends again? are we friends now? i don't know. i think so. argh my brain is pulsating. enough about that

facebook...damn facebook. it makes me feel more like a loser coz i have less friends then all my friends. this isn't really a change of subject is it. ha ha oh well. and like zoe keeps adding all these friends and they're people we used to hate and not get a long with and it kinda annoys me coz like whats the point. like renee lavis. all of my friends knew i had major issues with renee lavis. god damn it. i think i might just give up on facebook but it is slightly addictive and it does give me the opportunity to see what people i haven't seen in ages are up to.

my fingers are hurting and my thumb is black.

farewell darling

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