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2012-11-25 - 12:36 a.m.

Sometimes I still consider death. I am right now but I still don't see it as a viable option. There is still too much happiness. I am only miserable when I think too much, when I see my life as it is and register what a failure I am. How can someone like me possibly not hate themselves? I succeed in nothing, have few friends and have never been loved, unhealthy and with a host of bad habits and despicable personality traits. How could I possibly be all loving and accepting of a creature such as me? If I keep writing down this vein I shall make myself cry again and I am not particularly keen on that. I don't know why I am like this today. It was a decent day, swimming with zoe and her kids, hanging out and playing video games. I think its jealousy. This huge cloud of jealousy that I have for anyone with children, with a partner, with a life. The sad thing is I have never met someone who is as much of a loser as I am.

Adelaide is my home now, the weather treats me well and I tend to have less time to dwell on all my craziness.

I don't know why I feel the urge to write here whenever I am depressed. I would say it helps but it doesn't.

I miss my cats.

I want to be loved.

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