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2005-07-24 - 9:40 p.m.

i figure out what day it is by thinking of when the last episode of house was on. i think on thursdays that it sux that i have to wait a whole week. by monday my goal in life seems to be getting closer. and when wednesday comes oh yay an hour. and than its over. then its thursday again. so my life revolves around a tv show. yippee.

i am trying to isolate myself from friends but its not working very well. i don't want my friends to hurt me no more and i don't want to have to worry all the time.

none of them seem to have any logic.
nobody does. what is it with humanity and no logic.
well what can you expect.
i blame it all on the poison. it is everywhere. i am not saying i am not infected. i just know that i am and i try to get rid of it. television is a lot of the reason. just sit there watching it hour after hour. dulls your sense of reality. imagine it. we humans spend so much time watching a flashing object. so therefore i only watch house now and maybe some other stuff. never for too long. but no matter how much i get away from it i am still being poisoned. you get poisoned in school. everywhere. humans are becoming walking advertisements. spouting out cliched words...they all seem to be promoting something.

you know what. my cousins..they're ashamed of me. you can see it in their eyes. they wish they weren't related to me. because i'm not everything they wanted. so consumed by poison.

i think everyone has something against me. for some unknown reason. everyone says i'm paranoid but its plain sense. then again people with some intelligence can justify paranoia better than some. always reasons behind it. i wouldn't believe what i do if there was no logic. its all about the logic. i don't want to drink alcohol or do drugs or anything at all. it clouds your senses. leaves you vulnerable. they can get to you. don't you get it. theres always someone watching. around my friends i laugh all this off and they laugh at me but its all true. think about it. logic people logic.
and if you think about it of all the people in the world someone must be able to read minds. or something similar to that. so even then you are not safe. all thoughts should be controlled. lock them away. trust me. if they find your deepest secrets they can hold them over you and blackmail you.

don't judge me by what i look like anymore. see whats inside. get away from the poison and maybe you will find things you never knew existed. people you would never have considered talking to.

trust me.

hatred is a disease.

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