2005-08-21 - 2:01 a.m.
please. i can't be alone right now. i need company. someone to talk to. to keep it all at bay. its there. trying to make me crack. don't fall asleep. i don't want to be alone. selfish. of course. as usual.
i mutilate myself and i can't seem to stop. just a couple leads to more. i have cuts all over me. i want to add to them but i know i shouldn't. logic. i have logic remember. where is it going?
i don't know if i'm trying to cry or trying not to. my wrist hurts. i burnt myself as well. coloured a blade into fluorescents. annoyed voices tinged with tiredness. restlessness from a creature. they are sitting right there. and they want me. can't add to the cuts. there is already to many.
don't go to sleep.
abstract. or truth. describing surroundings. shadow spinning. emptiness and dirtiness and messiness. clouding my mind. so cute. whats it trying to do. read minds.
don't go to sleep.
am i making sense. does it need to make sense to others as well as to me to make sense. aimee does this make sense? you make sense of my nonsense.
suicide cult. suicide pact. end the pain. make it go away. twice. three times. who else will run with us. voluntarily.
stop watching me.
don't go to sleep.
repeat. repeat. repeat.
finished. made, delivered, than heartlessly burnt till nothing remains but a fragment which goes unnoticed and is unwelcome till eventually it is disposed of.
flashing blue lights.
a symbol of happiness owned by someone so lost. pink, purple, blue..brightness being killed and deformed into something it wasn't meant to be.
observant. means nothing. listen to their words and you learn what they are. or who they pretend to be. if you pretend long enough do you become what you say you are. can you actually change your personality into that. it all means something. just see the picture. know the person. find the depth. there is always depth. even if it is shallow. words mean nothing and everything and are the world. couldn't live without words..symbols. numbers. or is that just what humanity numbers. but even animals need some form of communication and judgement. able to judge how long they need to run to kill the weaker. humans can't kill the weaker. humans have false morality.
i have false morality.
don't go to sleep.
in the end she just wanted company.
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