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2004-11-21 - 7:37 p.m.

how can people like me? i don't reckon anyone does...they just want something. Or feel sorri for me. They shouldn't. I hate that. I hate pity. I just want to be left to my own warped mind.

there is alwayz someone better than me.christ, people are even better at being depressed than me. i am nothing and i shouldn't exist because i just ruin things and i make people feel bad and i alwayz want thingz that i know i'll never get because i don't deserve them.

I don't want to be the same and I don't want to be different. How does that work? How the fuck can I be like that?

I reckon people are ashamed to hang out with me...that weird person over in the corner.
I'm not gonna cut myself anymore. It doesn't make me feel better or even hurt no more. It used 2. I'm just as sad as b4...why can't anything make me feel better.

The day i tried to kill myself i had the best day ever. Everything went right..i got to hang out with kool people and i woz laughing all day and then that one thing on the bus got to me. Can't i deal with anything? I don't want to go outside ever again. I don't want to see people look at me and hate me instantly.

I don't want to be hated at all.

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