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2005-02-09 - 7:47 p.m.

itz amazing how stupid feelingz and thingz u'd nearly forgotten about can just all come rushing back in if u accidently leave one little window open. can't they just stay out in the fuckin rain. HELLO. FEELINGZ. ur not welcome here. this is the land of darkness. GET OUT.

killing myself is looking inviting again. like yeah i know i've been saying it for agez but come on.
i have to live like this for yearz to come and i can barely stand it now.
when i look at it like that it seemz like forever.

what if i am this thing 4eva?

am i meant to have the same insecurities every day of my life? am i meant to keep breaking promises to myself forever?

there is nothing good about me. Ask anyone except for my friendz. they won't be able to come up with something. i am nothing. i don't want to be around happy people. my friendz know some weird sadistic person who sayz shez depressed. But really i'm some depressed person who sayz shes weird and sadistic. I try my hardest to be a freak when all i want is normality.

i am human.
as much as i hate it.
and sometimes, just sometimes, i want to be treated like i am one.
Not like i'm nothing or an 'it'.

Even the weird onez really want to be accepted.

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