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2004-11-12 - 10:03 p.m.

i lied. things aren't getting better. i'm just as fucked up as before. if anything they're getting worse. i'm alright if i'm around my friends..they take my mind off things. But as soon as i'm alone i totally change. i can't stop crying. I hate it, HATE IT. and i have that feeling inside of me. i don't know what it is but its alwayz there and its affecting me. i think i've accepted that one day i will kill myself. not many ppl would care. if you don't include my family there'd maybe be 3. The rest of them would be happy. Actually most of them don't know I exist. It's like i'm invisible. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be alive. I'm not what i used to be. I'm just a shell. Like I'm already dead, but keep going along the normal routines of life. god..plz plz plz kill me.

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