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2005-02-12 - 10:51 p.m.

it woz my fault. no one else to blame. had the option to be happi and laughing, fucked up, now i'm sad and crying.

i knew it.
i woz right all along. I'm never the main option. I'm alwayz the friend on the side until something better comes along. want proof? here:

Rebecca Andersen: will only speak to me either to copy off my work or when there is absolutely no one else around yet claimz to be my friend.

Izzabelle and Aimee: they were sort of fighting so all of sudden i woz the best friend and they alwayz came over my house. Now they're all happi again...there goes ambre.

theres onli frog now. back to the one main friend. the one friend that alwayz realises when i'm freaking out and on the edge, even if itz over the phone. And the onli person that carez how I feel.

I'm not saying that izz and aimee aren't great friendz. I'm just saying that i don't even speak to them that much no more. even at skool we don't realli hang out together. i can understand that though. Who would want to be seen with me? Plus I'm boring and i'm a realli bad friend and everything about me is false. Therez no point in being my friend pplz. I'll just fuck you up. I need to be isolated. Away from humanity. so i can't hurt them.

i don't want to be alone. tonight has been torture. i've been crying constantly. i have a killer headache. i want a knife. maybe i'll actually have some courage and slit my wrists but i doubt it. We'll have to wait and see. won't we?

I wanna live, I wanna love, but itz a long hard road out of hell.

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