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2005-05-02 - 8:11 p.m.

i can't stop crying

i want to die

whatz wrong with me?

i'm deluding myself

i want to end it more than i ever have before.

but i can't. coz they're all holding on to me.

i'm pushing my friends away and i don't know why.

i want it to go away
please make it go away

i cannot find a way to describe it. itz there inside all i do is hide. i wish that it would just go away i can't handle this confusion i'm unable come and take me away. i feel like i am all alone all by myself i need to get around this my words are cold i don't want them to hurt you if i show you i don't think you'd understand coz no one understands. i'm going nowhere on and on and i'm getting nowhere on and on and take me away

i don't understand them. i don't understand me.

i figured what you need in this world. you need looks and confidence. you can have just one and manage. but if you have neither you're stuffed. like me. thatz what i couldn't figure out. i thought u just need looks. but its not true. you need confidence too.

i've been holding back the pain but itz all coming to the surface.

i'm lost and everyone claims i'll find my way but i'm scared that i never will. and i'm scared theres no one there to help me coz they're all lost 2.

i feel bad talking about this to my friends.

i feel they're been through more.

and that i don't deserve to cry. or to feel this. becoz my reasons aren't like theirs.

but as i much as i try to crush it, it keeps coming up.

and please please save me.

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