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2005-01-12 - 12:40 a.m.

staring at the screen.

why am i writing an entry when i have nuthing to say?


so much in my head

not appropriate for this diary. don't want people to know.

I used to carve letterz in my skin. With a pin. Or with anything I could find. It scared people. That woz before I woz even depressed. I just wanted to write thingz in my skin.

I remember a birthday party i went to once when i woz little. Everyone woz in the pool and i wanted to go in too but couldn't swim. I did anyway. I nearly drowned. One of the adultz had to jump in...fully save me.

I remember when I woz 3 i had to go to hospital because i had german measles. the doctorz gave me choice between either bed or wheelchair. but i started screaming and wouldn't go in either. my mother ended up having to carry me in.

I remember that my first sleepover woz meant to be at my friendz house who lived nextdoor but I got so scared i ended up going home anywayz.

enough of the boring memories now.

i'm trying to remember what i woz like back then.

Back in normality.

I alwayz gave people and lollies and stuff becoz i wanted them to like me. It never worked. It took me so long to realise that. But I still buy my friendz a lot of thingz. As if they'd stop being my friendz if i didn't. But I know they wouldn't do that. They're not that shallow. i used to have shallow friendz. Not anymore. Not ever.

i don't care if ur world is ending 2day becoz i wasn't invited 2 it anyway. - marilyn manson

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