2005-07-25 - 8:21 p.m.
Screaming. Shadows. Darkness. Hands reaching out. Trying to drag me into the depths of nothing. Flashes of red. People crying. Hiding. Leave me alone.
'You can't put her in an institution. It's not right. She's not crazy'
Stop it. Don't hurt me. Let me go. Untie me. Free me. I am not human. I am not alive. I am empty. Heartless. I am numb. I will not speak. They will steal my words.
Wynter stopped talking 3 months ago. Its driving my parents crazy. All she does now is write. We don't know what caused it. Maybe it was Cara's fault. Cara was her only friend. But she changed. She dumped Wynter and went over to the 'normal' side. That hurt Wynter a lot. dad started yelling again. 'We can't have that psycho in the house. She might kill us while we're sleeping.'
They are talking about me. They do not know. I will haunt them. I will die. I will get that rope. See it hanging. How beautiful. I have no boundaries. Death is purity.
Wynter dresses all in black and paints her face white. She once told me that she fantasises that she is dead. That no one can see her walking amongst them. It was almost like that anyway. She was practically invisible. No one liked her, no one noticed her. Especially after Cara abandoned her. At least when Cara was around she laughed sometimes. At least she talked.
Let them speak. They do not know what I am. They do not know that death approaches. He calls for me. he wants me to go with him. I cannot resist.
Wynter and I used to stay up all night talking. About how life sucked and school sucked and everything sucked. She would scare me sometimes. When she talked about suicide. And she would cut herself in front of me. Deep cuts. Across her vein. I used to be so terrified she would cut too deep and I would not know what to do. I thought she might die right in front of me.
Climb up on the chair. Put my neck through the noose. No one will miss me. How can you miss someone who says no words? How can you miss someone who's presence is barely noted? This is my freedom from the cage I'm locked in. This is my key.
The family has decided not to send Wynter away. As long as she doesn't do anything terrible. I don't think she will. I have this feeling that she's happier now. Mum and Dad are going to have a talk with her. Tell her that they were thinking of putting her in an institution. Tell her this is her last chance.
Lights are flashing through the windows. People crying. But all the time Wynter hangs there, peaceful. They haven't moved her yet. She doesn't look dead even though her face has changed colour. She is smiling. She is happy. Finally happy.
By me... Ambre