2007-07-21 - 4:29 p.m.
ah my beauty it is good to have you back in my life again. it seems you have become more of a person to me then just some screen. most likely because of my lack of life.
i went to aimees diary for some reason and found she had added some new entries. it says she still has a lot of feeling for nick which i didn't know and i can understand why she didn't tell me because every time she mentions his name i call him a fuckhead. i really don't like him but i wouldn't be a bitch or anything to her if she told me. i suppose everyone has that person they completely fall in love with who none of their friends or family like. the main reason i hate him is because he always manages to make her feel like shit. he's judgmental and arrogant and just a general asshole. there is possibly a nicer side to him but i've never seen it. most likely because i've never really spoken to him.
i have a headache. it should fuck off.
i've been applying for more jobs..my little saturday routine. i want to give up but then i will get no money and i like money.
fucked if i know if i'm depressed anymore. i live in my world as i have said many times before and it does protect me. when i feel sad i go to my world and i am beautiful and confident and everything i'm not in real life. sometimes i get really sad though. no one sees and no one knows and its more inside me and a secret than ever before.
i actually got the password to my other diary and read it. there was this one entry about killing izzabelle and myself..it was surprisingly logical.
i hate going outside and i have to go out nearly every day now. i can see them looking at me, judging me, hating me. i hate them too. sometimes i want to grab them by their stupid necks and make them beg for forgiveness. beg me. so i have power and i'm not small and insignificant anymore. i want to be able to feel confident in myself but i suppose that will never happen until i actually stick to a plan and do it and free myself and even that is no guarantee of happiness and confidence. but it would make me feel a lot better. it would make me more accepted in society. maybe then i could destroy them from the inside. ha ha ha
starfish blood is trickling down the walls.
bored. going now. i hope i don't bore you diary. i don't care if i do because you have no choice but to accept my words. suffer.
Bambi - signing off
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