2004-11-18 - 8:51 p.m.
I tried to kill myself.
I took a lot of pills. Not enough to die..thatz why i found the bottle of turpentine. But I didn't get time to drink any. Shannon got worried and she and her mum turned up. I had to go to hospital. They made me drink this charcoal stuff. It woz disgusting.
everyone is treating me funny now. And i bet the whole school will find out. i don't want them to coz then they will be saying even more stuff about me.
I just snapped. I had a fight with zoe. Now my mother thinkz itz all her fault. But it wasn't. That was just the thing to push me over the edge. Funny..me and aimee were talking about that recently..the thing that could push you over the edge. I guess I found it. My best friend. When I got home I couldn't stop crying and I got all the pills out and I rang shannon. I hung up on her tho. I rang renee to. I don't know why. I guess if she'd been nice to me I wouldn't even have tried to kill myself. I was hoping she would be. I didn't want to die..not realli. But she hung up on me. And thatz when I broke and took all the pills. everythings a big mess now. I'm trying to avoid talking to my cousin. He alwayz mangages to make me feel bad.
I talked to zoe today. She said she had nearly cried and she didn't know why.
I don't think I will try and kill myself again..or if I do, I'll make sure it works. But something is different inside of me now. I feel better..like i've got rid of something. I don't know. Maybe my life will start getting a little better. I get to see a psychologist. That could help.
I want to be happy again. Now I've got the whole thing off my chest, maybe i can be.