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2005-03-13 - 5:59 a.m.

Frog is asleep

I don't want to sleep. When u sleep, u dream. When I dream, I wake up thinking it was either leaves me terrified or so happy. I prefer to be terrified. The happiness crashes when i realise it was all make believe.

I can analyse myself as much as I want and I still won't know who the fuck I am.

Frog and me have our own world that no one else can enter. We can act a certain way around each other and if other people see it they just reckon we're weird. Even our other friendz. I have that hope for friendz forever but I know that it probly won't be like that. We'll probly grow apart and call each other less and less and eventually lose contact like what happened with Shannon. I barely speak to her now. Maybe once every few months unless I see her at school. And she used to be my bestest friend of all time.

The sun is coming up. It makes the sky look pretty. I want it to stay like that forever. I want it to stay dawn forever. Everythings the nicest at dawn.

How can u sleep with a freakin sheet over ur head frog? Won't u suffocate?

I wear my spiked bracelet the wrong so the spikes dig into my hand. Itz my subtle way of hurting myself. The way no one notices. I'm used to it now but my wrist is covered in sores. I figure though that Goths are not people that wear black makeup and spiked bracelets. My perception of a goth is someone who is different. Just wearing a bracelet normally..I would be the same as other goths. I want to be different in my own way. I don't want to be a follower.

frog got in trouble for the story she wrote for her english class. it was about suicide and cutting. they said it wasn't acceptable. we got sent to the guidance officer because people had complained about us. Including the library teachers because we were looking at death books. why do they have the books in the library if they do not want people to look at them. and they wanted a story, they got a story. suicide is real issue. you cannot be oblivious to it. u cannot block it out. it will alwayz be there even if it is covered up but the more you cover it up the more pain people will go through.

'I don't believe in the existance of mercy's guiding hand, not with all that I have witnessed, you cannot understand. Forever burdened with the knowledge, I could have been so much more, when the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all along.'

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