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2005-02-03 - 8:56 p.m.

last entry was written in a lot of anger. ha. i don't never want to see my cuzin again. Hez the onli kool person in my family.

oh and if u read my diary and ur on my msn...itz fucked. so plz add [email protected] i want my friendz back.

But right now i just wanna scream and punch wallz and yell coz i'm hurting so bad and i don't even know why. like christ i'm fuckin useless. i can't even keep a tarantula alive. i don't know what i did wrong but it still died. Isn't that the same with everything else. i'm fuckin up lives but i don't know what i'm doing wrong. I WANT MY GODDAMN LITTLE SPIDER BACK AND I WANT EVERYTHING BACK AND I WANT TO BE NORMAL. i don't want to cry for no reason and i wanna cut myself but for some reason i'm not. i'm just hurting. And i hate going to skool becoz u can see that they all hate me. 2day this real popular guy woz talkin to me and frog and you could tell he woz just doing it out of pity coz he thought we were pathetic. I wanted to tell him to never speak to me or look at me. I DON'T WANT THEM TO KNOW MY NAME. i don't want to wish i could be like them. but u watch them and even though they're sheep they seem so happi. they laugh and actually mean it. And the classes that frogz not in with me......i'm alone. so alone. no one near me. no one talkz to me. just in some corner writing kill me over and over again and wishing sumone would see it and be nice to me for five secondz. i hate that. i do want to die.
i don't want to be hated. i don't want them to be my friendz necessarily. i just don't want them to look at me like that EVER AGAIN. and i'll spend so long just guessing what they were thinking.
why am i me?
why didn't i get to be them watching the freak kid and laughing at her?
why couldn't i be that?
why am i the freak kid?
special selection. should feel honoured. or maybe itz so the population will go down.
...get a lot of freakz
.....get a lot of freakz depressed
........get a lot of freakz to commit suicide.
good riddance i say

they don't deserve to be alive

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