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2004-11-19 - 10:24 p.m.

Itz weird

I've changed. I'm not sad anymore but I'm not happy. I don't really feel anything at all. But I'm watching everyone around me. If you look at someone long enough you can see beyond their masks. Everyone has something that hurts them in some way. And a lot of people will cover it up, pretend it doesn't affect them at all. Or push it away into the back of their mind. I guess sadness affects people in totally different ways and some can't deal with it that well. Like me.

No ones totally happy. They can seem like it but they're not. It doesn't have to be something big, just something small alwayz there. But most people have something thatz makes them happy and that sad bit doesn't get to them. They don't let it overtake them and become their lives like I did.

Actually I don't think I have changed at all really. Just changed masks. From depressed, sad, suicidal to psychotically happy. But really I feel neither. I was sad, really sad but whenever I stopped to think, there was something in the back of my mind that made it all seem false. I have no idea what I'm on about. i'm rambling. ha. but thatz what i do.

Sometimes listening and watching is better than speaking, but sometimes watching is not seeing.

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