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2006-09-23 - 9:18 p.m.

poor diary. been neglected so long i doubt you even remember my words. ha ha. i suppose seeing you again today inspired me to write in you. some family thing. hung out with my cousin. it was alright. he's going on about what a terrible thing he did. and true i didn't like it but christ my memory is so fucked i barely remembered. and i bet he'll read this. so yeah i don't hate yah. i doubt i ever did. just disliked yah. anyways diary i should update you on the happenings.

i left school. FUCK YEAH. no more of them judging me. mind you the rest of society still will. meh. i wasn't going to leave. i was fighting it and school was actually getting better. then everything just hit at once. everything. and i broke down. and they wouldn't let me go home. and it sucked shit. did one more day after that and quit. it felt good. going to tafe next year though but its seems a long way away so i won't worry yet.

frog is the same as ever. she was angry when i left school. made me feel like shit. her mum hates me. won't let me go near her. FUCKING BITCH. fuck her. half the time i feel as if frog is the only fucking person keeping me alive coz she makes me laugh. she can't separate us. and she has no idea what i'll do if she keeps trying.

aimee moved in with her boyfriend matt. i don't know what to think of him anymore. she says he treats her like shit and i believe her fully. coz he seems like one of those guys that doesn't know how to act different around chics rather than guys like with his friends they all fuck around and swear at each other and i don't think he realises that aimee doesn't like that. i don't know. i don't know what i'm talking about. but anyways aimee might be going to live in the bush for 6 months or more. grow weed. i don't know what to think of that.

still hate isabelle. right now i want to kill her. she's trying to you know take my place at the school. i don't know how to say it without sounding like i'm overreacting but seriously she is scared of me. and for some stupid reason she thinks just because i'm not at school anymore i can't get to her. whatever. we'll see what happens.

i'm rambling shit. its even boring me. just when i look back on this i want to know what was happening yah know.

i've been doing alright with the whole sadness thing till today. feel like i was just wandering along and then SMACK into a wall. i was angry and then i was sad. so sad. it grabbed me and it ripped everything away and then it was all that was left. man i'm back now. its fading but its freaky. and i don't even know why. no reason at all remotely. but i wanted to die so badly. i don't know. its seems even as my normal self i just accepted that one day i'm gonna go over the edge and do it and might as well value the happiness i sometimes get now. i don't know anything. society is corrupt. nothing is right and the emptiness is vast.

i will leave now before i write a whole fuckin book

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